As if we haven't diced POTO enough...
by WWAD-POTPAFOP-FSVAPA-FASICMS
Summary: as the title says...DONT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY! This is the product of Imp when she has WAY to much time to ponder things! enjoy and *R/R!*CHAPTER *NINE* Erika and Erik meet and muse about stuff...unfortunately, we could no longer keep the pg rating. sorry
1. Imp and her damn exploring...

_~this sprang from Imp's mind, and although there is no doubt in my mind that we are to get berated for immaturity, there is something some of you need to learn.   Although we may seem to take ourselves a bit too seriously, read this.  This is pure levity, not meant to be taken as though we are writing some sort of life changing "Uncle Tom's Cabin"!  This is our attempt to add a small bit of humor to the world.  If you don't like it, very well, but this is not meant for those of you who feel the need to over dramatize everything.  It's a stupid little story we did one day when imp brought up the prospect of another dimension in which everyone existed- but as their gender opposites!  Thank you and Goodnight.      _

It was a quiet day down in the Lair—Lange was napping, Singe was napping, Angie was off somewhere doing things that only goddesses can do, Imp was…_somewhere_.  

Erik was moping (everyone _awww_) and trying to figure out just how many way's there were to kill Raoul with that damn red scarf (he was currently up to number thirty-five: throw the scarf off the opera roof and watch the Fop fly).

            Needless to say, he was just a little too preoccupied to notice that Imp had run back into the Lair, jumping with excitement.  "Lange!  Singe!"  she squealed as she tried valiantly to wake them up.  

            "Gewadonbotherme," Lange mumbled as she rolled over.

            However, considering she and Singe had been napping on the floor in their sleeping bags (because Erik just never seemed to get around to getting them actual beds, and also because of the fact that the sofa was permanently called by Imp) Lange ended up doing the unthinkable and rolled over on Singe—not a wise thing to do to the monkey girl.

            "EH!" Singe screamed in pain as she leaped up.  "EH!  BITCH!"  She then proceeded to leap on Lange and bite and scratch her—needless to say, that when Imp had finally pulled Singe off of Lange, they were all sufficiently awake.

            Imp gleefully helped them up.  "Guess what guys!" she cried, her excitement level drawing dangerously close to overload.

            "Er…the Fop's dead?" Lange asked hopefully.

            "No!  Better than that!" Imp replied as she began rocking back and forth from absolute anticipation.

            "OHOH!!  I KNOW!" Singe yelled suddenly as she jumped around madly.  "CHRISTINE'S DEAD!"

            "NO!" Imp yelled back, frustrated.  "Angie left one of her wormholes lying around, and you'll never guess were it leads!"  She grabbed them by their arms, and pulled them forward.

            She lead them through maze of twists and turns, leading them farther and farther away from the Lair and towards the Opera House itself.  

            Suddenly taking a turn, she led them down one of the abandoned passageways.  At the end of it, was a glowing, pulsating wormhole.  

            "Defiantly one of Angie's," Singe said as she drew near to it and cautiously sniffed it.  "It looks like a pink cloud."

            "Come on," Imp cried as she motioned for them to follow.  "You'll never BELIEVE what's on the other side!  The solution to Erik's bad luck with love!  She's perfect, you just wait and see!"

            They followed Imp into the swirling pink mist, never realizing just what they were getting into…


	2. Beyond the pink wormhole...

They each stepped through the wormhole, and were dumped unceremoniously on the other side—Angie's wormholes were famous for that.  Singe was the first to fall through.  
             "EHEHEHHHHH!" _*THUD*_   
            Lange soon followed.  "WEEEEEEEE*_FLOOMP*_OW!" 

She had landed on Singe, but the punishment didn't end there…Imp still had to fall through.  
             "AHHHHHH_*FLOOMP!*_ "  

Imp landed on top of both Singe and Lange, almost crushing them—but not quite.   
            Singe and Lange groaned in pain.  "Imp!" Singe wheezed.  "Getoff!!"    
            Lange valiantly tried to get up.  "We should have traveled first class," she groaned between groans.  
            Once they had finally gotten up, and have scraped Singe off the floor, the monkey girl looked around wearily.  "So what is this, imp? This is exactly the same as our cellar!"   
            Imp became excited as she ran down the passageway.  "Come on guys!  You'll see—it's   great! This way!   
            Singe and Lange followed Imp.  "Tra la la la la," Singe sang and she leaped around.  
            Lange looked about, a bit disappointed.  "Imp, but...er...we know the way.  This is the opera house for crying out loud!"   
            Imp looked that them pleadingly.  "Aww…come on guys!  Humor me!" 

She continued to lead them up three floors to the opera house.  They had to be sneaky however, for it looked as if they had just finished a performance, and they were just cleaning up for the next day.  

Imp led them backstage, and to the dressing room, the accursed dressing room.

Singe did something very unmonkey-like, and hissed at the door, refusing to get any closer to it.  Lange crossed herself in horror. "Imp!" she cried.  "Why have you brought us to this place of great evil!"

Imp ignored them, and threw open the door.  "Behold, fellow Worthier Women!"   
            Lange peered into the room.  "Ok..." she began, "I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to hang around the ditz's…heeey..." she paused, and took a double take.  "Why…this room is different."   
            Imp opened the door wider, and they all walked in. Lange looked about in wonder.  "BUT THE ROOM ISN'T THAT EFFIMINATE!"   
            Singe suddenly pointed at something, in complete confuzzledment.  "Look!" she cried, "a jockstrap!"   
            Lange made a motion to faint, but for once, she didn't.  There was no Erik to not catch her.  
            Imp bubbled over with joy.  "Don't you see!" she cried. "That's the great part about this place...NO DITZ!"   
            Lange gasped in shock.  "No…ditz?!??!?!?"   
            Singe gasped.  "Really?  But then who is there?"  
             Suddenly, from the hallway, they could here the noise of footsteps and a man 

Lange gave a small shriek of terror.  "AH!  We're frelled!"   
            Imp tried not to panic.  "AH!  Quick!  Hide!"   
            But that didn't stop Lange from panicking.  "EP!  Where to hide, where to hide!"

 Singe just replied by beating her over the head.  "Just HIDE!" she hissed as climbed onto a box on top of the small box, and grabbed a pair of small cymbals—the real name of which none of them had the time to remember.    
            Imp hide behind the coat hanger, and tried desperately to blend in.

Just as the door knob was beginning to turn, Lange grabbed an old musty cloak off the chair and threw it over her.  Then falling to her knees, she tried to blend in as a day bed.  She began to whisper desperately to herself.  "I'm a daybed, don't notice me, I'm just a daybed, I'm not anybody, really…I'm a daybed…"

"SSSHHHH!" Imp and Singe hissed, just as the door was thrown open…

               
  
  



	3. Gender Benders...

            "Wow Christian, you completely kicked ass out there!"  The three Worthier Women watched as a short thin boy followed another, taller boy into the room.  "Give it, my main tenor dude!"  They proceeded to perform an intricate handshake that looked strangely like a mix of Masonic ritual and ancient African dance.  "Man, Christian…you are the BEST!"

            The other boy chuckled as he bowed.  "I know, I know…I AM the best, Mel…my teacher tells me so.  She been telling me for weeks that I'm a thousand times better than _Carl_."

            _'Christian?  Mel?  Carl?'_ Singe mouthed to Imp.

            Imp shrugged.  '_Go fig!' _she mouthed back.

            "Hey—I got to go Christian—I have practice," Mel said as he started walking out the door.  He laughed as he reached the door.  "I can't wait to see the look on Carl's face when he hears you sang a standing ovation!"

            Mel closed the door behind him.  Christian watched the door for a bit, and then turned towards the mirror.  "Oh yeah," he said to his perfect reflection—he was indeed an Adonis, with his medium frame, blonde hair, and perfect complexion.  And for that reason, the Worthier Women hated him right off the bat.  Such beauty more often than not came with extreme stupidity, especially in _this_ Opera House.  "You're the best…NO.  YOU"RE the best…yes you!  You're the best,"

            Lange was just about to gag and give away their hiding spots, when the door suddenly flew open.  "Hey!" Christine exclaimed, embarrassed as he leapt away from the mirror.

            Three women swarmed into the small room, making it even more cramped.  "Oh Christian!  Superb performance!" one of the older women exclaimed.

"Excellent work!" the other older women replied. 

"Enchanting singing!" the first exclaimed.

Suddenly, the third woman cleared her throught haughtily.  "Excuse me, Mme. Andre—Mme. Firmin—but I wish to have a _private_ meeting with Monsieur Daae."  She was so incredibly bossy, so incredibly bitchy, that the two mangers stuttered, and exited quickly.        
             "Hey…could you get me a burrito?" Christian yelled after them.

            The woman closed the door to get Christian's attention.  "Hello Christian," she tried to say sweetly.  But she was so bitchy, that it only made Singe want to hiss and bite her.  "Wonderful performance tonight," she complimented him.

            "Oh…thank you…" Christian replied, his attention beginning to waver.  He sat down on Lange, thinking of course, that it was just an oddly shaped sofa.  Lange gave a little groan, though that just made it seem as if she was a very old day bed.

            "You know Christian," the woman said as she said next to him.  Lange gave another groan, but surprisingly managed to stay up.  "I never did manage to really thank you for saving my scarf."

            "Huh?"  Christian looked at her quizzically.

            "My scarf—my red scarf?  It was blow into the lion cage at the Parisian Zoo, and you climbed in to get it for me," the woman said.

            Christian just continued to look at her, as if he was mentally constipated.

            "My scarf," she repeated.  "You tried to get it, and the lion mauled you…"

            "OH!!!" Christian exclaimed.  "THAT scarf…"  He looked quizzically at her again.  "No, no.  Can't say I remember it.  Sorry."

            "Oh for Christssake!" the woman snapped as she got up off the day bed.  She stood before him, hands on her hips.  "Christian, it's me!  Raoulina!"

            "Huh…OH!  RAOULINA!"  he cried as he jumped up in glee.  Lange collapsed in sweet relief.  "NOW I remember!  I was in the hospital for weeks!"

            "Yes, that's right!" Raoulina replied, her smile plastered on her face.  "Goodness, you're dim."

            Christian's face lit up more.  "Hey!  My angel calls me that!" he exclaimed.  "Do you know her?"

            It was Raoulina's turn to look at him, bewildered.  "Your _what?_"

            "My Angel of Music!  Remember?  My mommy promised she would send me an Angel of Music?  Well—she's dead—and she DID!"

              Raoulina's smile became even more fake.  "Darling…have you been taking some controlled substances?"

Christian pouted.  "Oh, but Raoulina!  I keep hearing this voice!  It's the Angel of Music, I know it!"

Raoulina hesitantly reached over, and patted Christian's hand.  "There, there Christian—your kinda cute, so if you're insane, it's no big deal."  Raoulina tried to laugh merrily, but it only made Lange, Imp and Singe shudder. "Oh, silly like Christian! There's only me and my red scarf.  There's no such thing as the Angel of Music!  And since you're so cute, I'm going to do you a big favor and let you buy me dinner, even though you are dirt poor and I'm filthy rich!  
            Just as Lange had managed to get back up into a kneeling position, Christian sat back on her.  "I donno Raoulina…I'm not really hungry."

            Lange groaned again, and muttered to herself angrily.  "Believe me, you don't need the food…can you get any heavier?!?"

Christian looked around in surprise.  "What was that?"   
_ 'The Angel of Music!' _Imp mouthed to Singe.  
Singe had to force herself not to snicker inappropriately.  

Christian looked at Raoulina.  "I beat it was the Angel of…"   
            But Raoulina interrupted him.  "There's no angel of music!" she yelled in frustration. "Just me, and you shall worship me for all eternity!!!"  
             Raoulina straightened back up, and glared at Christian.  "Now listen—you are going to take me out to eat right NOW!  Come Christian!"  And with that, Raoulina stormed out of room.

"But I not suppose to leave…"

"COME CHRISTIAN!"   
            "Coming dear," Christian cheerfully said as he got up, and Lange collapsed again.

"'Come Christian'," a soft, enchanting female voice floated into the room, full of scorn.  "'Come Christian—I have some lovely whips and chains I want you to wear'—Christian…who was that bitch?"   
            Lange looked up in shock.  "Waitaminute...that voice..."

            _'A female Erik?' _Singe mouthed at Imp.

            Imp grinned.

Christian's grin got bigger as he walked towards the mirror.  "Oh, that's just Raoulina...she's an old friend..."  He laughed gleefully.  "She likes to boss me around!"   
            The voice of the female Erik groaned.  "You stupid, stupid, boy,"

Singe looked at Imp and risked whispering.  "I hope this Phantom isn't as gullible as our poor Erik…"   
            The Phantom continued.  "You stupid boy…dim, adorable, sweet little tenor you…awww...who's my wittle tenor?"  
            Imp groaned in horror, and whispered back.  "Oh no! she is!"   
            Lange sighed in pity, and Singe hung her head.  "Poor female Erik!  I already feel for her…damnit!  Why are all the smart people of the world so damn stupid! Why?"   
            The Phantom suddenly stopped using the baby voice, as if she realized just how stupid she sounded.  She carefully cleared her throat.  "Enough! Come, my darling Christian...come to your angel…"   
            The mirror suddenly disappeared, revealing a tall, elegant woman regally standing there.  A black cloak completely covered her body, and only her white mask was visible.  The Worthier Women all made "oooh"ing noises as she stood there.  The Phantom extended her arm, and took Christian's hand.  She pulled him through the mirror, and he slowly followed.  "Come, my Angel…" she whispered.

"Damnit Christian!  Where are you?" Raoulina's harsh voice rang through the hallway.

The woman looked a bit peeved.  "A bit faster, Angel," she said through clenched teeth.

Imp jumped out from behind the coat hanger.  "Come Worthier Women!  FORWARD!  We have to get through the mirror!"

Singe through down the cymbals in disgust as she hopped off the table.  

Lange threw the cloak off and stiffly sat up.  "D'you think she'd take kindly to us following her?  What if she punjabs us!"

Imp snorted.  "IF she anything like Erik, she'll adore us and our good advice!" Imp reasoned.   
            Just as the Phantom woman pulled Christian through the mirror, the three leaped in before the mirror snapped behind them.  They watched as the woman dragged Christian down the path.

            "Come Worthier Women—to the lair!" Imp cried.  And with that, they followed them.   
  



	4. Monkey business...

Imp jumped out from behind the coat hanger.  "Come Worthier Women!  FORWARD!  We have to get through the mirror!"

Singe through down the cymbals in disgust as she hopped off the table.  

Lange threw the cloak off and stiffly sat up.  "D'you think she'd take kindly to us following her?  What if she punjabs us!"

Imp snorted.  "IF she anything like Erik, she'll adore us and our good advice!" Imp reasoned.   
            Just as the Phantom woman pulled Christian through the mirror, the three leaped in before the mirror snapped behind them.  They watched as the woman dragged Christian down the path.

"Come Worthier Women—to the lair!" Imp cried.  And with that, they followed them.   
            Singe and Lange followed Imp as she stalked the female Erik.  Ever once in a while, they would have to leap into the safety of the shadows, for the female Erik would turn around suddenly, and glare at the darkness behind her, as if she knew that she was being followed.

At one such point when they were hiding in the shadows, Singe decided to voice one of her concerns.  "She may be a female Erik, but she still doesn't know us! She'll punjab us for sure!"   
            Lange whimpered in horror.  "I can't be punjabbed!  I'll never see my Erik again!"     
            Imp pshaw-ed them, and shrugged nonchalantly.  "We've gone through this—she's a female Erik! She'll love us!"  Suddenly, Imp slinked back out of the shadows as the female Erik (who shall now be referred to as the FE) continued her descent. 

The other two look at Imp with grave misgiving, but followed her anyway.

They followed the FE a few more feet, but once again had to leap into the shadows.  Singe leaned against the wall as she twiddled her thumbs.  "You know, I feel really bad for this female Erik.  I mean, we all know that her heart is going to be broken into a lot of little pieces.  That stupid Christian is going to do something stupid…"

"Like unmask her," Lange interrupted helpfully.

Singe nodded her head.  "Yea!  The little whore is going to unmask her, just you watch…"  She gasped with the sudden epiphany.  "Ehehe!" Singe squealed in horror.  "We've got to stop them before there's an unmasking!"   
            "Then we don't have a second to spare!"  Imp grabbed their hands, and tried to pull them forward.

 But Lange struggled out of her grasp.  "No! It won't happen til tomorrow, remember?"

Imp looked at her.  "But whose to say that things will happen the same exact way here as they did in OUR world?"

Lange became very pensive.  "Too true, Imp, too true…"  
 The three looked at each other, and then scrambled to catch up with the FE, half expecting to hear an inhuman scream from Christian.

They ran all the way to the lake edge, but was they slid to a halt, the EF suddenly whirled around.  Imp and Lange managed to leap to the side and into the shadows, but Singe froze in her tracks, and stared at the FE in a speechless horror.

Christian squealed, and ran towards Singe. "OH! Look!"  He jumped onto Singe, and Imp and Lange silently screamed in horror.

Christian got back up, holding the struggling Singe.  "It's a monkey!  Can I keep him!"

Singe was about to open her mouth to violently protest this violation, but Imp interrupted her.  Imp was waving her arms wildly, and motioning for Singe not to say a word.  So Singe instead crushed her fist in her mouth.

Christian giggled as he got into the boat.  "Pretty monkey!  Voice, I wanna keep him!   
            '_I'm a HER dammit!_  _Don't kick him in the balls don't kick him in the balls..'_ Singe  thought to herself, over and over again.  Suddenly, Christian poked his finger in her face, and she bite him.

"Ouch!  Voice!  He bite me!"

"Christian, that monkey is a girl," the FE said as she got in the boat herself and pushed off.          
            Lange giggled inappropriately.  "He's got Singe!  I'm gonna kill him!! Teeheeheee…"   
            Imp pulled out a spare red scarf, something she ALWAYS cared in case she ran into the Fop or the Ditz.  She twirled both ends of the scarf around her hands.  "Can I strangle him?" she  hopefully asked Lange.   
            Lange grabbed the scarf out of Imp's hands and ran. "Not if I do it first!!!"  

However, Lange didn't get far, for she soon ran into the lake.

"AH! *SPLASH* Damnit!!  Help Imp!!  I can't swim!"

            Imp ran to the lake edge.  "LANGE!" she cried. "I'll save you!"  Imp leapt in, but at the last moment, realized she can't swim either.  "AH! Save us! Save *gurglegurglegurgle*"

Singe winced as the voices of her friends echoed through the underground chamber, and as the FE looked sharply in the direction the screams were coming from.  "We WERE being followed!" she hissed.  She continued to row, but only faster.  "I'll get you to the shore, my darling.  Then I'll take care of our _guests_…"   
            '_Epp!' _Singe thought in despair, _'They're doomed!'_  
  



	5. To the Torture Chamber!

      Lange continued to splash around madly as she also tried to cling to Imp.  Needless to say, that wasn't the best of actions.  "Help!  I'm panicking!" she yelled in fear.  "Make me stop panicking!"

            Imp tried to tell her to get off, but her only response was frantic gurgling.

            In their blind panic and subsequent near drowning, neither one noticed the small reed that swam closer and closer to them.  If the necessary equipment was to be had, then the infamous Jaws music would have been playing.  

            Imp struggled to throw Lange off long enough to breath, but it became harder and harder to struggled with the half crazed girl.  Imp felt her life start to tragically slip from her body, when she let her feet sink.

            They hit solid ground. 

            Imp leapt up, and wheezed desperately for air.  Lange continued to thrash around violently as Imp tried to both get the water out of her lungs and put air in at the same time.

            "Lange!" she finally managed to choke out.  "Put your damn feet down!"

            Lange obliged the request, to discover that when she stood, the water came up to her shoulders.

            Imp glared at her.  "And to think that in truth it was as shallow as the ONE AT HOME!" she screamed.  "To think, that nearly everything ELSE here has been exactly the same…"

            But her rant was silenced when two hands clamped down on Imp and Lange.  They froze in their tracks, and looked down at the hands.

            "They look just like Erik's," Imp whispered.

            "But strangely more…_feminine._" Lange whispered back.

            Imp's lower lip began to quiver.  "Please—kind person with Erik's hands—please say that you are Erik…"

            Lange and Imp slowly turned around, and looked up into the masked face of the FE.

       "That's not Erik!!" Imp screamed in horror.

            Lange started to panic.  "I'm panicking, I'm panicking, GOD HELP ME I'M PANICKING!!!!!!!!!"  
            (It was at this point that Singe wondered to herself as to just why she wasn't talking to try to distract the FE so then Lange and Imp could escape.  In the end of this short musing, she decided not to. The authors wouldn't DARE kill Imp and Lange.  They were lead characters!)   
            Just when Lange and Imp thought for sure that their necks were forfeited to the Punjab Lasso, Christian's utterly annoying giggle suddenly rang out across the lake.  "Does the monkey want a cracker? Does the nice monkey want a cracker?"

             Distressed monkey noises followed.

            The FE let go of them and turned around in fury.  "Damnit Christian! Leave that poor monkey alone!"

"Run!" Imp hissed as she tried to quickly wade her way back to the lake shore.

"Oh, of all the plot convienences!" Lange snapped as she followed Imp.   
Christian's voice rang out again.  "Voice! The monkey...he just pondered to himself!"

The FE's eyes burned as her patience ran out.  "It's a girl monkey!  Get it right you dimwitted boy!"   
            Lange and Imp reached the edge of the water and pulled themselves out of the lake.  Lange collapsed the instinct she got it out of the water.  "Imp," she pitifully whined.  "I don't think...I'm…gonna make it..."   
            Imp grabbed Lange and pulled her up while the FE continued ranting to Christian about the importance of getting a creatures gender right.  "For christsake Lange!"  Imp said as she slapped Lange across the face.  "Pull yourself together!  You call yourself a Worthier Woman?"  Imp pulled Lange forward.  "Come on," she ordered with urgency.  "We'll have to get into the lair the _long_ way."   
  


Lange gasped.  "You mean…through the torture chamber?"

_('Kinky,'_ Singe thought as she peered through the glass of the actual thing.)   
            All three wondered simultaneously what the FE's torture chamber was like.

Lange pondered out loud as she and Imp hopped up the stairs, two at a time.  "It's probably just like Erik's, only more vicious.  Remember?  'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'."   
            Imp eeped at the thought that they were willing going to try to enter it, and started to wonder if it was such a good idea.  Singe was a big monkey girl—she could take care of herself…

Meanwhile, the FE was wrapping up her rant.  "So LEARN, you stupid little boy!"  Looking around, she snarled when she saw that she was standing in the water alone.  "Curses!  They've escaped!"  
            The FE swam back to other side of the lake with any effort, and leapt into the boat.  "Christian."  She said, as she looked at him.  "I'm going to make sure there's no one still hanging around—stay HERE!" she ordered.   
             Christian clapped his hands in a childlike rapture.  "Yeah, the monkey and me get to have some playtime!"  As he giggled evilly, repressed memories of a circus and a chain came back to haunt Singe.  She back up into the corner, shaking her head in mute horror.     
            Imp and Lange heard this, and gasping in horror, stopped in their tracks.  "Shit!" Imp whimpered.

            "Poor Singe!"  Lange cried.  "What a horrid way to die!"   
            In a final act of desperation, Singe finally opened her mouth, and yelled at the top of her lungs, "OVER HERE, UGLY!"   
            This echoed through the chamber, and Lange and Imp stared at each other.  "Singe has lost her mind.  She's completely cracked."

            The FE whirled around, and fixed Christian with such a glare that Singe shrank against the wall more.  Her cloak glided around her, revealing rich and elegant black evening dress underneath.  Just as quickly, the cloak swallowed her body up again.  "Who said that?" the FE said, her beautiful voice clipped, and dangerous.

             Christian looked around wildly, and pointed at Singe.  "I think it was the monkey," he replied.   
            The FE continued to glare at Christian, as if she was just beginning to doubt her choice of men.  "My dear," the FE calmly asked, "monkeys talk?"   
              "Daaaaaaaauuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…maybe?  Can I play with my monkey now?" he asked, trying to change the topic.  
            The FE looked at the cowering Singe, and pitied her.  "The monkey comes with me."   
 The FE picked up singe, and carefully placed her on her shoulder.  With Singe now on her shoulder, the FE turned around and looked at Christian.  "Christian! Get inside the house!"

             Christian grumbled as he dragged himself into the house. It's not fair!"

            And whilst this was all going on, Lange and Imp had continued to run up the stairs to the third cellar.  Well…by now, they were dragging themselves up the stairs, exhausted.  "I'm sorry, but as much as I love Erik, this female Erik must be just like him.  They both have such poor taste in potential mates," Lange panted. 

            "I think…it's because…they're so…desperate at this…point," Imp wheezed as she lagged behind.  "But…no matter…we have to save…her from…Christian!"   
            "Yea!  We have to save both Singe AND the Female Erik from Christian!"  Lange looked around the third cellar (for by then they had reached it).  "So…we have to go through the torture chamber, huh?" 

"Is there a…daroga…counterpart here…to…help us?"

            Lange tried to snort, but was too out of breathe.  "That would be a plot convenience!" was her reply.   
  
   
Back in the lair, Christian sat by the fire place, alone and brooding.  "I wanna play with the monkey!" he whined.  "Not fair!  Stupid voice...oh! I know what I'll do!"  And with that, Christian began to snicker evilly…well, as evilly as one so stupid could snicker.

_~OH NO!  what sort of perverse plan is Christian plotting!?!  Find out next time, when Imp somehow finds the time to revise the 13 remaining pages of Instant Message convo, the like's of which don't even come close to the end of this phic!_  
  



	6. The Phemale Phantom...

Lange and Imp were now in the third cellar, and searching desperately for the secret trapdoor into the torture chamber.

"We're frelled, we're frelled, we're frelled," Lange kept repeating as she hugged herself and rocked back and forth.  "We'll never find it in time!"

            "Hang on, hang on!" Imp snapped impatiently and she ran her hands over the floor.  "It's here somewhere, I know it!"

            "What'll he do to Singe?" Lange cried in panic.  "Worse!  what'll Christian do to the FE?"

            "Lange!  Think of more productive things," Imp ordered her.  "Like, which plank the catch is on!"

Meanwhile, in the lair, Christian was snickering behind the spare bedroom door.  "Oh...this will be fun!" he giggled.

            The FE entered the lair again, and took off her black cape.  "I'm losing my touch monkey," she wearily said to Singe.  "Those intruders escaped.  

"Christian!" she called out, "I'm back.  If you leave the monkey alone, I'll give you some candy…"  Christian didn't answer, but his incessant giggling was coming from the spare bedroom.  "Christian?" the FE said, losing some of her patience.  "Where are you?"  She reached the door, and entered the bedroom.  "I don't have time to play..."

            Before Singe or the FE could react, Christian had jumped onto the FE and had ripped off the mask.  "GOTCHA!" Christian triumphantly cried.  "Your It…"  He failed to finish the word as he gaped in dull horror at the visage before him.

            Lange and Imp were still trying to figure out where the trapdoor catch was, when they sat up in bewilderment.  "Say, Imp," Lange started.  "Did you here that scream?"

            Another scream drifted out to the third cellar.  Imp groaned.  "We're too late!"

            One more scream drifted up.  "Hey…he screams like a girl," Lange commented.

            "What a bugger…" Imp said dejectedly as she sat on the trap door.  "We didn't make it in time!"

            "Yeah," Lange said, just as dejectedly as she to sat on the trap door.  "Grrrh…it's not FAIR!" Lange shouted as she pounded her fist on the floor in anger—which popped open the trap door catch.  The trap door fell open, and Lange and Imp fell through it without so much as a decent scream and landed in the torture chamber.

            "FRELL!"

            "DAMNIT!"

            *THUD*

            Imp looked around the dark Chamber, and realized that Erik had never gotten around to showing them who to open up the torture chamber from the inside.  "Ok…"  Imp slowly said.  "Now we're frelled."

            "Real smooth."  Lange sneered.  "Now we're gonna die!"

            They moaned in pain as they tried to sit up in the dark chamber.  They could now hear exactly what was going on in the Lair.

"EEEEEEEEEE EEE EE EEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

They heard crashes, and the screaming of a distraught monkey.

            The FE's voice rose above Singe's racket, the rage in her voice uncontrollable.  "DAMN YOU!!  CURSE YOU!  YOU BASTARD!  YOU PRYING PRICK!"

             "Eww…" Christian said.  "Don't touch me!  You're so UGLY!  It might be contagious!"

            This time, it was Singe that started yelling fitting insults.  "YOU BASTARD, YOU HEARTLESS DICK!  WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOING TO DO!?!?!  **_UGLY_** YOU TO DEATH!"

Oooooooooh boy," Lange muttered, shaking her head.  "This is bad…"

            "You... I... we..."  The FE was trying to say something, but she instead broke down and sobbed inconsolably.

Lange and Imp couldn't see that Christian was ignoring the FE and was pointing at Singe in disbelief.  "The monkey—he talked again!"

            "It's... a... girl!" The FE choked through her thick tears.

            Lange shifted uncomfortably.  "Has she lost it...?"

            At this point, even Christian was feeling a bit uncomfortable.  "Er…listen ugly girl...I'm going to stand over...here," he slowly said, his eyes wide.  He began to slowly back away and back towards the bedroom door.

            Singe looked around the Lair is desperation, and was just about to start pulling her hair up of her body (which seemed like a good idea, considering the situation) when her eyes fell upon the two-way mirror of the torture chamber.  "EPP!"

            Singe crept over to the wall, peered inside.   "Lange?  Imp?  Are you guys insane?!?"

              "Singe!"  Both Lange and Imp ran for the next mirror of the torture chamber and plastered their faces against the glass.  "Let us out of here!!"

            Lange was whimpering pathetically.  "I wanna go hooooooooomme!!"

            Singe saw the FE stir from her incessant weeping at the sound of Lange and Imp's voices.  "Sh shhh shhhh!" she tried to silence them.  But then, the torture chamber was triggered, and the lights suddenly flooded the room.  Instantly, Lange started to bawl, and even Imp was sniffling.  "I don't wanna DIE!" they screamed in despair.  "WE are going to DIE!"

"Someone IS in there!" the FE yelled as she leapt to her feet.  She walked to torture chamber, and a half crazed smile replaced her tear when she saw Lange and Imp. "I KNEW it!  Lord, that was easy!"  She whirled around, and looked at Christian evilly.  "Now!  You have to choose!  Stay with me…or watch your friends die!"  She began to laugh as only a true phantom can.

Both Lange and Imp stopped crying and gasped in outrage.  "We are NOT his friends!!!!!!" They yelled, offended to the highest degree.

            Lange started to beat on the Chamber mirrors.  "I'LL KILL THE BLOODY BASTARD, JUST LET ME AT HIM!!"

"NO!" the FE cried.  "Not my schnookums!"

            Lange fell onto her face, and groaned in disbelief.

            Just then, the spare bedroom door slammed shut, and the sound of a bolt locking was heard.  "There!" Christian yelled from behind the door.  "Now the scary lady can't get me!"

The FE looked so incredibly sad and erikish the moment those words were uttered that the Worthier Woman all grew teary eyed.  "Christian..." the FE whispered.

            Singe looked around uncomfortably.  "Er…can I talk now?"

            "How about if you figure out how to free us first?" Imp suggested helpfully.

            Singe proceeded to search for the lever as the FE had her angst moment.  "Oh!  what's the point!"  She started to cry again, only softer.  "He'll never love me!  I'm a monster!  A monster!"  She began to bawl again.  "Monster face!!" she cried out in pain.  "I have an icky monster face, and no one will ever love me!"

            Imp, singe and Lange groaned.  "Does anyone have a tissue to give that poor girl?" Singe asked.

            "You know I always carry them around for Erik…just get us got first!" Imp replied.  By now, they were starting to pant from the increasingly unbearable heat.

            "I just wanted him to love me!" the FE moaned.  "Is that so much to ask!"

            "It is from a shallow, petty, pimply faced opera tenor," Lange helpfully commented from the torture chamber.  "You didn't want him anyway, female Erik person!"

Imp looked sadly at Lange and she began to undo the top button of her shirt.  "Ya know…she sound JUST like Erik..."

            Singe abandoned her search for the lever to open the Torture Chamber and jumped on Erik girl, since an overwhelming need to confront the gloomy girl overcame her.   "It's okay, Erik female!  We'll help you!" Singe said as she hugged the FE.

The FE looked down at Singe in amazement.  "Why…you _are_ a talking monkey…and why do you call me 'Erik girl'?  My name is Erika!"

            Singe snorted as she looked up at Erika.  "Oh real creative name there," she sneered.

            It was at this exact moment, that Imp received a divine epiphany.  Some say it was because the intense heat was frying the few brain cells she had.  She claims to this day that it came from a short pig in pink pj's that went by the name of 'Shortfry'.  Either way, she began to spaz out as a light bulb appeared over her head.

            "OH MY GOD!!!!!"

            This startled Lange greatly.  Iimp…what is it?"  A look of panic started to come over Lange.  "Is it  time for you tea???"  Lange began to back away into a corner—if it was because Imp needed her tea, then Lange was in a VERY dangerous position, for Imp became a real homical manic when she didn't get her tea.

But Imp continued to spaz, and couldn't speak until Lange worked up the nerve to approach and slap her.

            "IMP!  Get a grip—only I'm supposed to spaz out like that!!  Is it because you need tea?"

"No!  No!" Imp reassured her, her eyes glowing with excitement.  "She's JUST LIKE ERIK!!"

            The other three all look at her dumbly.

             "Er…point being?"  Lange asked.

 "She's just like Erik...she wants a little loving...he wants a little loving..."  Imp motioned wildly, trying to help them catch her drift.

             "And..." Singe prompted.

            Lange thought as hard as her brain would let her.  A little Christmas light bulb appeared over her head,  but it soon fizzled and went out.  "Still don't get it," Lange pouted.

Imp exhaled in disgust as she grabbed Erika by the wrist.  "Come on!  Back to the lair!"

            "But we _are_ in the Lair…" Erika said.

            "Back to OUR lair!" Imp corrected Erika.

            "Oh....OUR lair!!" Singe cried.

"To OUR Erik!!" Lange squealed.

"Who is this Erik?" Erika asked, too bewildered at this point to put up a fight.  "And what about my Christian?"

             "SCREW Christian!" Singe sneered.

            "Not literally, though," Lange hurriedly corrected.

            Yea, and NOT on a day bed, either!" Imp warned.

            "I bet he's impotent anyway," Singe muttered.

So the three Worthier Women dragged the incoherent Erika back across the lake and up the stairs to the wormhole, never realizing just how much absolute CRAP they were just about to create.  Oh well…will those silly girls ever learn NOT to meddle?

Nah… 


	7. Poor Erika!

Towards the worm hole went the intrepid three… and the one phantom that was still blubbering mercelessly. Singe continuously made cracks about what an idiot Christian was, but in the end it did more harm than good as Erika didn't like her poodly woodly being talked smack about. Imp, on the other hand, was hopping with glee at her brilliant plan.

"Okay, she shouted. "back through the wormhole! one at a time! You first singe!"

"NO!NONO!" Singe replied fearfully. "I ALWAYS GO first! and then i get squashed!"  
"NOW!" Demanded imp, picking up the monkey girl. 

"You sure this isn't going to rip apart the fabric of space or some-" she was stopped as she was being hurdled through the hole. On the other side she landed, and with trepidation looked up to the less-than-happy visage of the great goddess Angie, tapping her foot. Then, with a great FLOOMP l'ange landed on top of Singe. "GAH!!!" she shouted. "AGAIN! IT HAPPENS AGAIN!"

Since this story tends to be pretty predictable, I may as well inform you that Erika, still sobbing like a woman… waitaminute… well she was sobbing like Erik, and of course Imp landed squarely on top of Erika. Angie shook her head in disgust. "What fools these   
mortals be," she muttered to herself.

Imp leapt up and shook a finger at Angie. "Don't shakespeare us, girly!" she insisted. Singe, who was feeling less that courageous at that moment after having been in the vile clutches of a male ditz counterpart, said, "oh.... ermm... hi, Angie! Monkey bizkit?"  
Angie rolled her eyes. "Honestly, you'd think you guys would know to stay   
away from wormholes because they totally screw up the fabrics of time!"  
Singe laughed angrilly. "SEE? I TOLD YOU!!"  
Angie, being oblivious at that moment, noticed the sobbing Erika. "Who the hell is that?" she asked.

L'ange finally got her white ass off of poor Singe and stood up giddily. "This is Erika!" she pronounced, pushing forward the still hysterical Erika. "She's JUST like Erik, only a girl!"

"a wormhole to one of my little musings…" Angie pondered to herself, "where the   
genders are switched. Damn I need to stop leaving these things lying around!  
"We want her to meet erik!" Imp proclaimed.  
"Oh boy…" groaned Angie, knowing that this wasn't going to end well. She looked down at the still sniveling Erika.

"Christian..." she whimpered in a voice that could melt the heart of even the crappiest of people.

"Ah..er.. hi" Angie finally said to her.

In response, Erika wailed, "Life is not worth living without him!"

L'ange groaned. "oh boy, here we go!" she said.

Angie, being immortal, didn't have a great deal of sympathy for one who was crying over an idiot and a loser. "Good god!" she yelled, shaking the oblivious Erika. "Get over it!"

Imp looked at her with a satisfied God-I'm-good grin. "We think they'll get along nicely."

"Yeah!" Singe added. "We think her and Erik's misery might cancel   
the other's out!"

"I would think so!" said Angie.

Erika, through sobbed, managed to say, "Why are you still shaking meyeyeye?" Angie looked down at her to realize that she had indeed not stopped shaking her. She let her go instantly.

"Sorry," she offered. Then realizing the problem at hand, she said, "Listen girls...she has to go back now! You've just totally fucked up the order of things! If she doesn't go back, then her world will miss her, and then her world will try to merge with our world and that's not good!"  
Singe scoffed. "But WHY? They were going to be all... happy   
together and stuff!" 

"Who's going to miss _her?"_ L'ange added. At hearing this, Erika fell over into even more desperate heaving sobs. L'ange groaned. "I didn't mean it like that! Sheesh."

"Yeah you did- who are you kidding?" singe muttered. Singe was then flicked in the tail. Angie started to pull her hair in frustration. "Probably no one…" she looked at Erika. "Sorry. But still, the merging of two worlds … Things just can't be all happy and stuff," Angie tried to explain, her articulation seeming to fail her. "At least, not without damaging consequences…" 

"So everyone in both worlds will be hermaphroditic?" asked L'ange.

Erika was making more noise than ever what with her bawling "No one will miss me!" she cried. "They will be glad to be rid of the opera ghost!"  
Angie ignored the bawling. "BIG NO NO!"  
Imp, L'ange and Singe looked at each other in agreement. Who cared if the whole unisverse got ripped apart? Erik would be happy finally! "Fuck it!" proclaimed Singe  
"Big deal!" scoffed imp. "merging..."  
"We've got to get them together!" Singe continued.

Angie, continuing to worry about the safety of the universe, said quietly to Imp, "Have you had your tea yet?"  
The insensible Imp continued, "Like we can't handle a bit of merging!" She then reached for her tea flask. "Oh no," she whispered.

The three looked at her in horror. "What?" asked Angie.

A girly scream emanated from Imp as she realized she had in fact… _lost her tea flask!_ "MY FLASK!! IT FELL BACK THERE!!"  
Singe gasped. "Oh, _crap_!" 

"I HAVE TO SAVE IT!!" Imp screeched! "I NEED MY TEA!!"

"Shit!" L'ange squealed. "Hurry! We've got to go back! NOW!"  



	8. Cue Love theme from Romeo and Juliet...

Angie leaped heroically to the occasion.  "I'll get her flask!" she yelled, realizing that the entire balance of the known world depended on getting Imp her precious, her tea.  "Just…just wait!"

             "Er…wait?"  Singe repeated as she watched the sobbing mass that was Imp squirm in physical pain.  It was then that she heard the fateful words, the Words of Deep Shit.  "Cuppa tea is all I need," whined Imp, "Cuppa tea is all I need,"

            Singe screamed in horror.

Lange screamed in horror.

Frodo Baggins screamed in horror…opps.  Wrong fan fic…

            But those Words of Deep Shit sent Singe scrambling into the wormhole, her heart filled with a terrible fear.  "Angie!  Wait up!" she yelled.

            It was not a few minutes later—though to Lange it seemed like hours, watching Imp quickly foam at the mouth—when Angie and Singe returned triumphant.  Though, only to a certain degree.  For clinging to Angie's leg, was Christian.  "Oh gross!" she cried, trying to shake him off, "He's like a dog!"

Angie surveyed the scene.  Imp was beginning to wreak havoc, and Lange had tried to hide behind the wormhole.  Angie raised the tea flask high above her head.  "Imp!  Be calm!  For I have returned bearing…Ofmph!"  Angie's dramatic return was stopped short as she was tackled by a half-crazed (but not totally bonkers) Imp, who began to viciously claw at Angie's arm.

            Singe took the flask from Angie, and dangled it bravely in front of Imp's face.  "Imp!  Tea! Here!"

            Imp snarled as she lunged for the flask.  With it safely in hand, she quickly began to calm down as she began to drink it madly.

With the threat of Imp gone, Christian once again latched himself onto Angie.  "I just saw the UGLIEST girl," he said in awe as he clung to Angie's leg again.  "But you sure are pretty!"

"Ug...Loser!" Angie said as she tried to shake him off again. Finally, she had to resort to rapping him with a ray of clams.  "Ha!  Take that!"

"Quick!" Singe urgently said.  "Shove him back in before,"

            But she was too late, for it was then that Erika caught sight of her unfaithful and cruel snooknums.  "BWAAAHAHAHAHAAA!" she cried, large tears flowing from under her mask.

            "Oh boy, not again," Lange muttered.  "Erika!  He's just not worth it!"

Angie unceremoniously pushed him back into the wormhole, and then zipped it up.  Folding it up, she stuck it in her pocket.

Singe heaved a sigh of relief at his dissapperance.  For weeks after her ordeal, she would still have the nightmares of his girly giggling.  "So..." she said, jumping onto Angie's shoulder. "Um... now what?"

By this point Imp was stroking her flask and addressing it alone.  "Yesss my preciousss…letss' go take her to Erik…"

The group made their way along the shore of the lake.  Grabbing the boat, they hopped in (and helped the still despondent Erika into the boat) and rowed towards the lair—Imp still stoking the flask, Erika still sniffling, Angie brooding over unseen danger, and Singe and Lange otherwise happy.

They reached the other shore and leapt out of the boat (but making sure to help the STILL despondent Erika out)  Then, walking into the house, they found Erik, pacing in front of the fireplace. He was pondering to himself, in the lovely, Erik way he ponders.  "Maybe I could hang the scarf on a fishing line, and hold it in every which direction, jerking it away constantly and watching him bang into walls until he dies?" he muttered.  "He might die of brain injurires…if he HAD a brain…but he doesn't have a brain!  Scratch that idea…"

Angie shoved her way in front of the group and struck a godly pose.  "Behold, tis I!"

Erik looked up and saw all but Erika, who was hidden behind the Phab Phour.  "Girls!" he cried happily, for they WERE the only friends he had.  "My dears!  Come, sit!  Imp, would you like some tea?"

Imp started to madly nod her head, looking for all the world like she was head banging.  

Erik ran into the kitchen to make her her tea, since there was ALWAYS hot water on the stove in the Lair, ever since the WWAD had taken up residence.  "I'm up to number 67 on how to kill Raoul!" Erik yelled from the kitchen.

            Erik came back out of the kitchen with a steamy mug of tea.  He looked at the girls fondly.  "It's good that you showed up.  Lately I don't like having been left alone—strange  thoughts, you know."

It was then that Erika looked up from the doorway.  Her eyes fell upon Erik, and seeing him shocked her out of crying.

Erik, however, had still not noticed Erika.  "Anyway, number 67 is that I tie a dozen red scarves to the chandelier.  Then, I make it drop—the fop will surely try to catch it, and then, be killed!"

Lange and Imp sadistically snickered.

            Singe laughed out loud.  "Such a wonderful sense of humor!"  She jumped onto Erik's shoulder and kissed his forehead.

            Then, a soft voice came from the doorway.  "He's...but…this is MY house," Erika whispered in shock.  Her voice grew louder as she continued.  "But...but...this is MY lair!"

Lange shook her head in a patronizing yet jovial manner.  "No, no-- this is _his_ house," Lange explained as she sighed, looking for all the world like she was preparing to swoon.

            But Erika was adament.  "That's MY sofa!"

            "No no, Erika," Singe replied, shaking her head in a patronizing manner as well.  "That's *ERIK'S* sofa."

"Excuse me..." Erik started as he looked at her.  "But who are..." but he fell silent when he finally glimpsed the mask she wore.

Angie finished chugging her lemonade that she had *phoofed* into appearance.  "Oh, that's Erika…unstable little mortal," she said.  She paused to burp.  "But she's just like you!"   

Erika and Erik just stood there, staring at each other in shock.

            "Just WHAT is going on around here!?!" Erika finally asked, her voice trembling.

Imp just squealed in glee, as she tightened her grip around her tea mug.


	9. S-E-X and the shit hits the fan...

So to make a long story shorter, the Phab Phour explained the whole dimension thing-of-ma-bob to Erika and Erik.  Now, Erik's first thought was that the girls desperately needed to get out more.  But his NEXT thought ran more along the lines of…

"So you are...me?" he asked Erika.

            "ONLY FEMALE!" Imp squealed happily

            "So in essence, she is exactly like you!  Isn't it wonderful?" Singe asked blissfully.

            By now, Angie was a bit tipsy, since she was trying to drown her woes about the AWFUL consequences of the others' actions in lemonade.  Another loud belch escaped her lips as she looked at her mug appreciatively.  "Lemonade good…"

But the brooding goddess was ignored.

Singe leap onto Erik's shoulder, and hugged his head.  "Just think!  We all know you love yourself, and therefore she'll love you!"

"But still," Angie whined, "we still don't know how badly we've screwed up things!"

"Oh, stop being so anal Angie!" Imp snapped as she slammed her mug down on the coffee table.  "It'll all work out!"

But Angie didn't become a goddess by being optimistic.  "We can't do this and not think about the consequences!"

            "Oh, HANG the consequences!" Imp snapped again.  "And if they do rear their ugly heads, then we'll fix them!"

"You are THE omnipotent goddess here!" Singe sneered in her monkey-girl way.  "YOU do something!"

"Yea!  Like get us food!" Lange commanded.

            Angie made a godly noise of disgust and disappeared, only to reappear with some monkey biscuits and pasta.

            "EE!" Singe exclaimed as she leapt into the kitchen and return laden with…QUIZNOS FOR EVERYONE!

            There was much rejoicing.  The WWAD had deep appreciation for food—especially quiznos.

            But Erika didn't.  She sniffled in a totally adorable and heartrending way.  "Christian..." she sighed.

"Christian?" Erik asked.

"Now DON'T start that again!" Lange said as she threatened Erika with a half eaten Quizno.

            "You see, Erik," Singe said, trying to explain.  "There had to be a Christine equivalent."

"Oh…see," Erik nodded sagely.  He's quick to pick up on things, that Erik.  "So you love Christian...but he doesn't love you," Erik said to Erika.

            Erika could only sniffle and nod.

            "Did he unmask you by any chance?" Erik asked.

Erika sniffled again.  "Just did."

Erik gently placed his hand on her shoulder in support.  "I know what that's like.  There was once this chorus girl name Christine…what a mess that was!"

            Erika looked up into Erik's face, and suddenly, the two mad, deformed geniuses became very shy.  "Er...please...sit down," Erik said as he let her to the couch.

            Even Angie had to give a little giggle, half drunk as she was.  "Awww…it's kind of cute..." she said as she lowered her pint of lemonade.

            It was only a little while later that Erik and Erika finally became comfortable around each other.  By then, they were deep in a heated discussion.

" ...and she didn't give a shit about the countless hours I'd put into singing lessons!" Erik complained, throwing his hands into the air in disgust.  "Not to mention the thousands I'd spent on her!  Shoes... mirrors... dresses..."

            "See!" Angie suddenly cried, forgetting the lemonade.  "That's one of the reasons we hate her!"

"She's a bloody ingrate!" Imp cried broodly, threateningly cracking her knuckles at the thought of the ditz.

            "Tell me about it!" Erika said, her own blood boiling.  "and if that wasn't bad enough, just today this little bitch named Raoulina comes marching into his dressing room, pulling a dominatrix schtick!  She's going to mess with all I worked for, I just know it!"

            "Raoulina?" Erik repeated, a bit taken aback.  

"Yea...raoulina..." Erika replied, her eyes narrowing in hate.  "She's a bossy little thing, and she has my Christian wrapped around her little finger all ready.  She just came waltzing in and carried on about a damn red scarf!"  Erika 'hrumphed' as Imp gave her a cup of tea.  "He didn't even remember the scarf!"

Singe interrupted them before they could continue.  "Let's get off that subject, okay!  You guys now have each other, you can be happy!" she exclaimed, finishing off the last of the quiznos.

"So…" Erika started suddenly, "did you even extort from the managers?"

"You know I was just thinking…" Singe mused out loud.  "What if they have sex?  Is that going to be like... masturbation for both of them?"

As all eyes turned on her, Singe realized she shouldn't have said that so loudly.

            "I love mortal TV shows.. sex?!" Angie said, her conversation with Lange suddenly interrupted by the new train of thought.  She looked over at Erik and Erika, who were Blushing with a capital B, cause they are so....naive like that.

Angie burst out giggling.  "That'd be so cute!"

"It WOULD!" Lange cried.

             "Er...ixnay on the exsay!" Imp said, since she could be rather prudish about the subject.  Hey, cut her slack…she's a bred Catholic.

            Singe shrugged nonchalantly.  "Well if they do stay together it would be inevitable."

Lange started giggling again.  "They'd both be so apprehensive and touchy!"

It was then that Imp thought to hell with prudish-ness and gave into the warped part of her soul.  "Hehe..." she giggled, inappropriately visualizing.  "They would!"

By now, the giggles had morphed into chuckling.  "Both would burst out crying whenever they were kissed—it would take forever!"

Angie, who by now was just pissed drunk on lemonade in a BAD way, got up woozily, grinning, well…drunkenly.  "Teehee…Gonna whip out yer little phantom and shtick it in _her _lair."  She laughed stupidly, and then collapsed, dead drunk.

            The remaining Worthier Women fell over laughing.

Singe has clutching her sides in pain as she tried to speak.  "Then they'd be all like 'Okay!  We've done it!  Leave me now!'"

Needless to say, Erik and Erika  were NOT happy, as they blushed more and got all indignant.

Angie—who gets over being dead drunk quickly, since she IS an omnipotent goddess—got up off the ground and looked at Erika and Erik.  "I'm guessing you didn't think that was very funny…"

Erik cleared his throat loudly, showing his discomfort about the subject.

But who are the Worthier Women to take a hint?

            "Hey!" Singe exclaimed, hopping with excitement with her new idea.  "Would you guys have sex for us right now?  That would be so cute!"

The Worthier Women stopped mid-laugh, and an awkward silence filled the Lair.

Imp looked at Singe strangely, and slowly backed away.

Singe looked at the others for support.  "Come on, guys!  You know you want to see them do it…er…guys?"  She looked around desperately.  She was not one that took alienation easily.  She turned towards Erik.  "Erik, please talk to me!" she pleaded.  "I'm sorry!  But it would be cute!"  

"This... isn't... appropriate!" Erik finally said, in the highest sense of awkwardness. 

Needless to say, Imp had gotten prudish again as the Catholicism bit back.  "Er, Singe...ix-nay on the ex-say."

Singe looked around desperately for SOMEONE to comfort her.  "I'm sorry but... wah!"  Singe ran off to the lake edge, weeping inconsolably. 

            And there was yet another awkward silence.

As Singe sat by the lake, hating herself, Lange was trying to ameliorate the situation.                            "Listen...you too really don't have to have sex...really!"

Singe wasn't trying to be subtle in her misery.  "Noooooobody likes me!! Eeeeeeeverybody hates me!"

Angie sniffed the air, suspiciously.  "I smell trouble…" She sniffed her armpits to check.    
"And it's NOT me."

             Suddenly, the earth starts to tremble as an announcement was blared through out the Opera House.

Singe rose her head in bewilderment.  "Since when does the opera have an intercom?" she asked.

"Gah!" Angie screamed as she collapsed to the ground.  "Now I sense trouble!"

They listened to the announcement in horror.  "THIS IS NOT A TEST…TWO WORLDS ARE MERGING…I REPEAT—TWO WORLDS ARE MERGING…RUN AROUND IN A PANICKED STATE…THIS IS NOT A TEST…" 

"What the hell..." Lange started as she prepared herself ot run around in a panicked state.

"Wrinkle... in... time..." Angie moaned from the ground.

"Dah!  Shit!" Singe yelled as she ran back into the House and for Erik.

"Oh...of all the frelling luck!" Imp cried in frustration as she watched Angie writhe on the ground, foaming at the mouth.

Angie rolled over her glasses, and they snap.  Just because she's all powerful, doesn't mean her glasses are.  "My glasses!" she screamed.  "Now I'm half blind!"

That was the final straw for the poor, abused goddess.  She then pulled a wrathful goddess schtick, growing to twice her size, making all cower at her wrath.  "I tooooooold you!  I toooold you!  But no!  Don't listen to the OMNIPOTENT BEING!"

 She got a hold of her self, and shrunk back down, breathing heavily.  "Fools!" she muttered.

Singe was trying  to cling to Erik for dear life, but she soon discovered that his arms were full.  Erik and Erika had leapt into each other's arms in the panic, and as Erika whimpered and placed her head on his chest, Erik looked like he was about to burst from happiness.

"Damnit!" Singe whined pitifully.  "He's not holding me!  Shit—me and my nobility—Ach!"

Lange stopped panicking long enough to hug Singe.  "Better?" she asked.

            Singe sighed in contentment.  "Thanks"

            Lange shrugged.  "I try."

            "Come on guys!" Imp said optimistically.  "Even though the world is ending, look at Erik!  He's so happy!"  But then, as she looked away from Erik and Erika, and looked at the total suckiness of the situation, the difference proved too overwhelming for the poor girl.  "GOD!  MY TEA!  I need my tea!  Ihave fragile nerves!" she screamed desperately, as she trying to claw her way to the kitchen.

            And just as suddenly as the world had started to end, it stopped.


End file.
